Could dark be this vivid? May 6, 2009
Posted by sickscorpio in Personal.Tags: dark, death, hope, life, Thoughts
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Talking to a Taxi driver today, about the situation in Karachi, I said “we all go to the graveyard empty handed”.
Right now, I feel, I have nothing, my hands are empty, perfectly eligible to die.
There are hopes, dreams, ambitions and grand plans on becoming better off than the rest, only to leave everything behind ultimately.
This darkness is pretty vivid.
Death does not frighten me.
Life doesn’t attract me.
It’ll be different tomorrow.
I’ll love life again.
And get busy to fill my hands with stuff that I ultimately have to leave.
Let it be so.
Its a bittersweet game and I’ll play on.
Your life! March 16, 2009
Posted by sickscorpio in Personal.Tags: bad, burden, fuckoff, life, pain, the living dead
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A quarter of a century now,
I’ve been doing this
Act of selflessness
with bittersweet feelings.
I’ve been living,
your life…
Does it make you happy?
I know it could have been better,
but you know
there were some things,
i couldn’t really do
or bear,
coz all the time,
you were living
your life too!
And it’s funny to take,
the burden of your blunders,
yet scorn myself
for my mistakes.
What hurts is that
I can’t help rectify
your wrongs,
and rid you
of the guilt and the pain
that I have to share with you.
After all these years,
it’s so clear to me now,
that the escape door I avoided
was really the best thing to do.
It’ld rid you
of my incompetent performance
of your story.
And it will rid me
of your life,
and you of mine!
On days like this.. December 3, 2008
Posted by sickscorpio in Blogroll, Intelligentia, Personal, Uncategorized.Tags: excerpts, life, Sensible words
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I have a lot of stuff to write about but am just not able to concentrate enough to write.
So I took,
One sentence (or two),
from the blogs/sites I visit on daily basis,
and mixed them up,
like stringing beads into a necklace.
The story went like this:
I consider every authority as a questionable authority.
So I keep getting into trouble a lot. And
even though I may not really like it,
I, for one could not be accused of shutting up!.
I want to do art as revelation, as absorption of my life.
I want to address the fluidity of consciousness.
But I constantly keep bumping into people who’ld never understand. For them, I say,
Those who dance are considered insane, by those who can’t hear the music.
Me and my friends, we’re big believers in ‘organized fun and while we’re at it, I often have to
say, Where is your camera when you need it!?
I love reading blogs and articles by sensible people.
Specially, when you’re reading the likes of Dawkins and PZ Myers,
you have to say, Reality has never looked so good.
But fun is not what we get all the time.
What happened in Mumbai, hurts even when you think back about it.
So for Our friends in Bombay, remember that People listen to the loudest noise!,
do not fall for it. The mass media is as irresponsible as ever, spewing out hate-mongering stuff.
We are with you, in everything. Terrorists may do it in the name of religion, race or color,
they do not represent them.
To be able to write and share is so empowering,
for this I must say: Thanks for making it so easy.
And thanks for making it anonymous – I don’t think I would have had the courage
to write otherwise - and I’d still be swirling around.
And on a related note, I quote:
‘Yes, but humans are more important than animals,’ said Brutha.
‘This is a point of view often expressed by humans,’ said Om.
Just replace the words, ‘humans’ and ‘animals’ by two competing races, religions, creeds , cults or any other competing entities, and it clears up a lot.
I conclude with this, from someone I’ve really come to secretly admire,
over the last couple of months,
In general,
just feeling really down
This is not an anomaly, I mean,
everyone’s allowed to have a totally shit day here and there.
–
Thank you, everyone, for giving me words, when I lost mine. You keep me going.
–
Auf wiedersehen!
The Brain-Man p-2 November 6, 2008
Posted by sickscorpio in Blogroll, Intelligentia, Personal, Uncategorized.Tags: bionic, Brain, fiction, life, neurology, new life, virtual reality
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So, I woke up and found myself connected to their machines. This was unbelievable. They were now recording my nervous system from inside and outside simultaneously. I later asked them whether they had tried the same on lab animals. They couldn’t do it in an as elaborate way with animals as they did with me, since animals are hard to control when concious. A rat won’t be able to survive such operation and a chimp would freak out and tear itself apart if they saw themselves in such conditions. Humans, on the other hand can control themselves even in life threatening situations. It was important that the subject in this experiment stay calm and its mental condition remained normal and stable. Apparently, I was doing a good job of it.
This was a state of the art in In-Vivo brain studies. I was amazed the next day when they tried to verify their recordings by sending signals to my body from their computer systems for specific movements. They made me twitch my fingers and lift my leg and my eyes watched in disbelief. There it was, my body being controlled by two commanders. One was me and the other was their system. For me, every passing second was amazing. For them every passing second was achievment. I was breaking records of surviving such operations every moment that I lived. I was making history.
They told me, I would soon lose my body. They would first replace my body parts with mechanical parts connected to my brain via their system, so my brain will gradually adapt to them. My left arm was the first to go. I don’t know how much the operation took but I woke up as a bionic man. It seemed like an alien organ, but I gradually accepted it. After the transplant they kept me blindfolded and asked me which one of my arms had been replaced. I couldn’t tell except for some pain in my left shoulder. Then they told me to raise my hands and I did. I still couldn’t tell. They were translating my neural impluses to electronic signals to the bionic arm and send feedback to my brain same as a biological arm would. This was beginning of a series of operations. I lost all my limbs and got bionic ones. Next were operations on my internal organs. I knew everything was going well coz they kept me my biological genitals.
But this was just another step. It ensured that their system had learnt enough about my neurological and physical system that they could trick my brain into accepting mechanical limbs and be able to control them just as well as biological ones. What was more important that their systems continued to learn.
By this time, they had given me a set of cameras instead of human eyes and set up an oxygen, glucose and other chemicals’ direct supply to my brain. got rid of my kidneys, liver, heart and my face was left like a mask, that would soon be removed. I had lost my jaws and I couldn’t laugh out loud but thats where the next and most important phase of the process started. Whenever my brain sent signals to my facial muscles (that would make me laugh), the system would intercept them and (since my facial muscles were disconnected by now,) send back the same feedback to my brain, as the one sent by facial neurons back to it.
So I laughed but there was no physical movement or sound. This, as you may have already realized, was the real thing. The stuff it was all about. Ultimately everything had to go virtual, whereby my brain would be directly connected to their system via hundreds of thousands of electrodes and would live in total virtual reality. It would be presented the same world picture as I would see and hear and feel with my normal biological body. And it would work the same way except that there would be no physically visible movements and sounds but the brain would feel and see and hear what the system would present to it. If the picture fitt my previous knowledge, I would have no problem living with it, otherwise I would be lost.
I had no record of time by now, since I had lost my mobility during the initial days and was now totally dependent upon what I was told by the doctors.
There were times, when I couldn’t believe it. What if they had put me in some deep trance and I had lost my conciousness and this was all just suggestions by some hypnotist, who was laughing at me all along. But then I knew I was for real and I had volunteered for this. I had seen those wires going in and out of my body and I had enjoyed watching their system jiggle my fingers.
The story gets weird but I was getting simpler. I kinda liked it!
Back to life! October 17, 2008
Posted by sickscorpio in Blogroll, Intelligentia, Personal, Uncategorized.Tags: blessings, determination, life, Positivity, rough times, shortcomings, talents, Thoughts
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I just had a couple of posts that made me look like some stupid psycho introvert; something I’m NOT! I have a wonderful set of friends and a really diverse life.
So, I’m just gonna count the good things in my life and then tell you the secret of my survival through the bad times! Not because I want to teach you but just to remind myself of what clicks for me.
The good stuff:
- I understand science better than a lot of people (and find it fascinating).
- I am not dogmatic (or GOD-matic for that matter) .
- I do not stereotype.
- I have a wonderful set of great friends: muslims, hindus, christians, athiests, agnostics and what not.
- I have an affinity for literature.
- I can speak, read and write multiple languages and have experienced multiple cultures.
- I enjoy multiple sports (and participate as well).
- I am doing good.
- I am healthy.
What else would someone want?
Here’s what I don’t have at the moment and really want:
- A mate (FYI: I’m straight!).
- A lot of money to help myself and help others (not that I’m not doing it already).
- A lot of time to restart regular training (to be able to compete in sports again: am a former champ!).
- And a lot of time to explore the world!
So, as for as myself is concerned, I’m good (!! can get better). Here’s what keeps me going when it gets tough.
My secrets:
- Running away doesn’t solve the problem. But sometimes its important to realize that you just can not solve it: thats when I choose to ignore and strive to find ways of damage control and damage avoidance. Every problem has a life and sometimes its better to wait for it to die (reading b/w the lines eh?).
- Know that you are good and your presence in the world counts. When you die, that’s one less good person around. Fight for your right, be stubborn, and know that at the end of the day you remain an individual, who carries the blame for his shortcomings.
Look back:
My last two posts clearly show how bad I felt about some stuff and in a way took the responsibility for not being positive. My bad. The hallmark of an optimist is that he’ll never blame himself (which I don’t exactly like). But that brings me to the most important thing I need to keep reminding myself of:
- Never go to war with yourself.
Life is a continuos process and sometimes the ride gets rough. One just needs to take the best possible approach, stay flexible and reasonable, to guarantee a satisfying end.
Aufwiedersehen!